How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
