Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
