i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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