it was like eating out sand paper
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
