He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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