I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
