I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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