why do cheetos always look like penises
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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