I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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