Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
