I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize