My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
