i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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