dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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