hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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