I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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