That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The feeling are messing with the penis
Two words: blizzard sex
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Panties = found
Randomize
