How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I hate all girls vehemently.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
