i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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