i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We left the knife in your bed.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize