Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
