don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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