So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
