No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
