if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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