I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
