Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
