it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
