Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
