seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
