Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
