just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
