i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
