Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just forgot I was standing up.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
