Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
