i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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