So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just found puke in my bra..
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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