Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
