Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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