He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
