Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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