he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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