In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
