Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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