omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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