after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
