why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
