I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
