thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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