It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
