I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
