If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
