As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
