OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
