I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
