I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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