i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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