I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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