Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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