Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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