That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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