she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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