There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
