My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
