If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize