ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
