Soap is not a condiment
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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