You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have post one night stand depression
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
