it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
