it wasn't lemon gatorade
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
