you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize