i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
