Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
