I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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