would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
