i think i have herpe
just one?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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