imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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